When I Knew I Was Gay

By Jenco Mackey

I kind of had the idea I was gay in junior high school, though I wasn’t completely sure until basketball season started in 9th grade. I never got the same “weird feelings” from girls that I seemed to get from guys in my school.

Freshman year of high school my BFF Amanda made the cheerleading team, so I was more than happy to go see her cheer her heart out for our team. There she was, my best friend in the whole world, cheering for our basketball team. It was awesome. She looked great.

The boys’ team came out to warm up, and there he was… tall, blonde, blue eyes… gorgeous to my 15 year-old brain. I definitely had those “weird feelings” when I saw Scotty the first time. He looked so gorgeous in his uniform. He was muscular for our age. I watched him take off the gold necklace around his neck before the game started.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. I really couldn’t.

The next day after school, even though we had five of six classes together, sat next to each other in class, I went to Amanda’s house like every day.

We were giddy talking about Amanda cheering at the game, the fact we won, and of course the new guy Scotty.

Apparently, at some point during my non-stop talk, Amanda took off her shirt and sat there for at lease five minutes. I didn’t even notice until she announced she wasn’t wearing a shirt.

I looked down to see my best friend’s ample breasts held tightly in a sheer red bra. They did look quite delightful.

As she pointed most of guys in our school, a few girls, and a couple of perv teachers would be stepping all over their tongues to see what I was seeing.

She tried to coax me into sex. And then she asked me to think about Scotty with his shirt off. Apparently, I got a bit flushed in the face, and had some other involuntary bodily reactions that Amanda could visibly identify.

It was then I knew without a doubt I knew I am gay. I told her I thought I was gay. She laughed as she squeezed her boobs and said something like no straight guy would say no to these puppies.

She slipped into a sweatshirt, and we fell asleep on her bed. When we woke up her dad was at the door with his arms crossed looking at us. Amanda blurted out that I was gay so it was no big deal, and then she looked at me and blurted out I’m so sorry.

Her dad was unfazed. He said to Amanda that he and her mother had always figured that was the case. He then told me I was always welcome at their home, and they loved me as though I was one of their son. Amanda was an only child until I came along, apparently. Then he told us to get ready for dinner.

I wish it had gone so well with my parents. They weren’t at all accepting of “my lifestyle.” They said hurtful things I won’t say here because the words were quite ugly. They grounded me. Took away all of my privileges. No TV, no telephone, no basketball games, and I wasn’t allowed to go over to Amanda’s house after school, nor could she come to my house. That sucked the most. They even started driving me to school for fear I was participating in “gay activities” on the school bus. I burst out laughing at that, which did not help me in any way.

After about a month I couldn’t take it any longer, and told them I made a mistake because Amanda had asked me to a dance, and I really wanted to go with her because she was so pretty, and smelled so good. Those last two things were true. Still are to this day. After a few days, they relented and okayed the dance date. Amanda’s dad dropped me off at home. I told my parents we were going steady, and things got mostly back to normal. I was still gay. And I had a pretend girlfriend, who had a pretend boyfriend… but that’s a story for another time. I’m sure we’ll get there.

It was Amanda’s parents who welcomed me home from college after my first heartbreak, loving me as they said they always would. My parents died never knowing that I am gay. I like to think they would have liked their real son.

To wrap up things with Scotty. He grew up to be an Adonis. I saw him at a class reunion, and he was beautiful still. I was sitting by myself. Amanda had gone to get us drinks, or dance or something. Scotty came over, and sat down next to me. He told me he always thought I was cute in school, and that he wished things could have been different.

You can follow me on Facebook if you would like.


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